Leprechaun Talk

You could tell immediately that there was a tear in the blanket between the Leprechauns. In the first place, you could literally feel the iciness in the room before noticing that the Leprechauns were huddled together in two groups - men on one side of the keyboard and women on the other side. We had another he/she ruckus going.

"All right, what's the problem?" I asked as I sat down at my computer. The Leprechauns live somewhere in the computer and show up once a month, like clockwork, to help me figure out what new trends are being set in the computer industry. They are normally very congenial, about half male and half female. But the groups this morning were anything but friendly. It didn't take the proverbial rocket scientist to see that this was nearly full-out war.

It was the tall and hefty Ms. Thunder who answered my question. "The immature boys over there," she said pointing derisively at the fist-shaking men over near the number pad, "still think men own the Internet. We, my female friends and I, were just showing the guys the latest survey from Media Metrix showing that it is now 50-50 on gender usage on the Internet. We're now equal and it ticks off the guys."

"No, that's not it." This shouted comment came from Mr. Barrister who fashions himself a law expert and also something of a ladies man. Mr. Barrister ventured closer to the women's circle and said, "A 50-50 split is fine. We applaud it. What the problem is, Ms. Thunder, is that you women are so uppity and conceited that you are threatening to take over the Internet. Just before our leader and lover of Pecan Sandies cookies entered the room, you Ms. Thunder & Lightning, were boasting that women will 'control the Internet by 2000.' Men find that attitude of control and domination very chilling."

Microsoft: a male-dominated company

Ms. Thunder is not one to back down - from anyone. "Mr. Barrister," she said, fixing him with a look that could stampede a herd of Wildebeests, "you men have dominated the net for years and have only grudgingly given up ground as women came into computing. For instance, just last month Microsoft decided it was time to address some women's issues. Making one of their 'strategic alliances' Microsoft and a company named Women's Consumer Network will now offer a full range of discounts on financial services, health insurance, mortgages, office supplies and other products. This is like proof of the pudding. Microsoft is well known as the most male-dominated company in the world. But even they have deigned it proper to bow to the oncoming crunch of women in computing."

I thought maybe she was through - Mr. Barrister had even stepped back a bit - but she was just getting her second wind. She thundered at all the males, "Women are now one of the most sought-after audiences on the 'Net. For instance, last month there was a hugely successful initial public offering of iVillage Inc. (Nasdaq:IVIL), an online women's news and entertainment site. So it all stands to reason that if we have advanced from 1996 when men using the Internet dominated it 82 percent to 18 percent - and now we are at 50 percent each - common sense tells you there will be more women using the Internet in the year 2000 than men. It's not four-dimensional mathematics we're talking about - but of course you men just don't get it."

I thought Mr. Barrister might make a charge into the women's circle but he kind of let out a sigh, let his shoulders droop and walked back to the other men who were pretending to be doing something else. It took me awhile but I brokered some peace between the two camps. It would have taken less time if Ms. Thunder hadn't reminded the male Leprechauns that women are statistically better typists and users of the keyboard than men, which she feels makes them better "users" of the Internet. But at long last there was some intermingling amongst them as we went on to other stories.

Lawsuits and Lawyers coming to the Internet

Some peace and intermingling gave me the opportunity to ask what other trends they Leprechauns discern. Men and women were united in one quick answer: lawsuits. Mr. Scathe, whose tongue is quite sharp, quieted everyone down as he told about an Associated Press news story he was reading recently. Looking at all the Leprechauns Mr. Scathe said, "The story was about something quite apropos to our earlier conversation about women and the Internet. It was about a group of female supreme court justices from three different states in the U.S. who were discussing the many ethical issues that confront Internet users."

Smiling at each of his fellow Leprechauns Mr. Scythe said, "The story was your normal story about women being addressed in a demeaning way by male counterparts. They also discussed the stress that lawyers feel and even the possibility that 'stress vacations' could be mandated for lawyers close to the edge of contempt charges. But the final paragraph was completely out of context." Looking directly at me, Mr. Scythe said, "The final paragraph was right up your alley, O lover of Peach Kuchen. The whole paragraph said, 'The Internet is fraught with potential problems for lawyers.' Now I ask you all, is that an understatement or what? That should have been the lead."

Ms. Airey seemed to catch the drift entirely when she commented that, "We've been alluding to this for several months. We have told your readers to be careful of their e-mail because it could be subpoenaed. It now appears that even innocent bystanders in a chat room or in a mailing group could be subpoenaed to tell about things they read or saw on the Internet about a particular subject. And finally, add to that the fact that in Nashville, Tennessee, a lawsuit has been filed against three people who used an alias to post inflammatory information about a company. The company is suing and is asking that the Internet provider give the real names of the people using the aliases. If the judge agrees to this - it's like throwing open the gates to attorneys seeking lawsuits. My advice to all Internet users is to think of the legal ramifications of what they do and say on the Internet. Think of liabilities particularly. The age of the lawsuit is fast coming to the Internet."

COREL Chief Financial Officer Michael O'Reilly talking to Wall Street analysts about COREL posting another large financial loss for the first quarter, when a profit had been forecast, said:

"Sales slowed much faster than anticipated by both management and analysts."

Translation: Sales didn't slow - they came to a dead halt. If the rest of the year is like this our stock will be traded on the Penny Stock Exchange.

Michael Goff is director of programming for Microsoft's MSN service and was commenting on their new alliance with Women's Consumer Network when he made this statement:

"Women are a very attractive demographic. A lot of advertisers want to hit women who are making the buying decisions"

Comment: Michael, be careful of your words. Women do not like being called a demographic. It dehumanizes them. And the phrase "want to hit women" comes a little close to "wanting to hit on women." Be careful, man. Be careful.

John Scheibel is the director of government relations for Yahoo. As he was looking over about 50 proposed bills in Congress that would regulate the Internet he said:

"People say they don't want to regulate the Internet except for privacy, except for Internet content, except for broadband. Pretty soon, the `except fors' eat up the rule."

Translation: When people say the don't want to regulate the Internet - they want to regulate the Internet.

Michael Moskow is president of the Chicago Federal Reserve Bank. In a speech touching on Y2K problems, he said:

"As a precaution, the Fed will increase the currency in circulation and in our vaults to about $700 billion by late 1999. The Fed [is doing this] to ensure that more than sufficient cash will be available throughout 1999 and 2000.

Translation: When the crazies go over the moon on New Year's Day, 2000, there will be ample cash for the rest of us.

The London Daily Telegraph keeps track of many useless little facts. One such that was recently published said:

"Bill Gates is now the wealthiest person in history. Personal wealth has topped $100 billion, in the form of more than one- billion shares of Microsoft stock plus other investments. He will be a trillionaire, at this rate, by the year 2004."

Translation: Yawn - what else is new?