Leprechaun - Englische Originalversion

When the Leprechauns magically came out of my keyboard for another of our infrequent meetings, they were quite cocky. But they were also quite nice, each carrying a flower to make a small bouquet below my monitor. I knew why they were cocky. After all, the new millennium had come and gone and nothing drastic had happened to change the face of the earth - which is what the Leprechauns had predicted.

But the flowers threw me. What were they for, I asked? "Why as a prelude to Valentine's day, O lover of Nusskipferl," they said in unison. Ms. Amiable explained, "We will be so busy scouting out all the new gadgets, programs, schemes and IPO offerings we probably won't see you again until well after the day St. Valentine reigns supreme. We thought you might like to smell the roses now."

The flowers were a nice way to begin our monthly conversation. I made mention of the fact that I would probably buy some flowers for my true love on Valentine's day, but would probably use the Internet to do it. I also mentioned that I literally do not know of any business I trade with that does not have a web site.

It took only half a nanosecond before Mr. Mature, the older Leprechaun who speaks with great authority, to say, "Ah, that's very true, but the sad truth is that most merchants do not really have a web presence. They might have a web site, but that is considerably different than having a web presence. So many firms put one or two pages up and then neglect their site, treating it like an advertisement in the Yellow Pages of the phone directory."

Mr. Mature gave a dismissive wave of his hand toward the Yellow Pages sitting on my desk and said, "Conversely, a real presence on the Internet is something like Amazon dot com, or E-bay dot com, or Travelocity dot com A presence is when you can sell merchandise, collect the money, and have them come back repeatedly to buy some more. Like when you order flowers soon - that web site will let you look at the flowers, price the flowers, pick different cards and then accept your credit card and arrange to have the flowers delivered to your true love the next day. That's a presence. Not a Yellow Page tombstone ad."

I assured Mr. Mature and all the Leprechauns that I agreed generally. The problem, I said, "Is a total lack of two things. First . . . ."

Ms. Lockjaw, a female Leprechaun who should really be taking massive amounts of tranquilizers, rudely interrupted me. "I know what you're going to say," she said. "You are going to say that (1 There are not enough people doing affordable web site design and maintenance and (2 There is not enough bandwidth available for the 'little guy' to be able to compete with major Internet retailers like Amazon dot com. Is that right? Is it?"

I was being forced to admit that she had precisely read my mind. The Wee Ones are a little scary in that regard. "That's correct," I said.

Ms. Lockjaw smiled. One of those big, broad, I'm-so-cute smiles. "Then let us explain to you, O lover of Maple Butterscotch Brownies, something that your readers can use as a fact for future trends," she said sweetly.

"Perhaps you remember what Charles Wang, the charismatic CEO of Computer Associates, said last year at the convention. He said everyone must 'assume' there will be an abundance of bandwidth in the future and build their e-commerce on that assumption. Having said that, he left it to his audience to decide whether they were looking at glass half empty, or a glass half full," Ms Lockjaw continued. I could see she was really revved up, so I just sat back and listened.

"To assume there will be plenty of bandwidth is smart. Build your site not to today's standards but to tomorrow's. If you look at bandwidth right now it is beginning to burgeon. There will be no great announcement some day that, starting tomorrow, ample bandwidth is available. It will come incrementally. Even as we speak the term 'broadband' is being used in more and more stories. Internet Cable is here and is a big hit. Siemens AG is working on an EU project to test something called AMUSE that will convert normal telephone copper wire systems into a broadband system.

"The name of the technology is ADSL (Asymmetric Digital Subscriber Line). It won't be long - sometime in the year 2000 - when data transfer rates of 8 Mbit/s, about 125 times faster than ISDN, will be common. And then there are the low-orbit satellites that Craig McCaw, Bill Gates and Subhash Chandra are building. Their target date is 2004, but don't be surprised to see it in action well before then. After all, the competition is getting very, very fierce out there.

"To sum up - Mr. Wang's advice to assume that bandwidth will be available is very good advice."

It was Ms. Lockjaw's male counterpart, Mr. Pomposity, who used a 10-millionth time slice of silence from Ms. Lockjaw to jump into the conversation. He said, "And the other part of the equation is that attitudes and definitions being used today must change - and will change rapidly. Let's assume you, O lover of Fladle Uberbacken, are a small businessman ready to become a presence on the net instead of having a Yellow Page ad.

"The first thing you must do is accept the fact you can't be a presence without spending money. Spending money on the web is going to be like paying rent and basic salaries at a prime location for your enterprise. If you are retail-oriented, you need to pay high rent to be in a high-traffic area. If you are a distributor, you need to be near rail and air delivery systems. Regardless, your rent is not cheap. In either case, you need personnel who can professionally do your work. The same holds true for the Internet. But remember you need to have both a store with bricks and mortar and an Internet presence. One helps the other.

"Secondly, you need to choose your web designer carefully. Picking someone who makes your web page look nice, with a perfect blend of graphics, colors and type style may be deceiving. What you need is someone with a degree in business and also a degree in computer science with a flair of artistry. But the most important factor is a good sense of business. Young people with MBA degrees are finding that they can do quite well for themselves when they combine business knowledge with HTML code and computer acumen. And these are the people you want to hire and bring along," Mr. Pomposity concluded.

Mr. Leicitis took advantage of the pause to sum up for the Leprechauns. "The trend you need to keep in mind is that ample bandwidth is happening now. Lack of bandwidth is not a valid excuse to put off having a web presence. And for the future, those readers who will want to become experts in web design will do themselves a favor if they also learn about and understand how business is transacted. Those who are ready to become a web force to be reckoned with should demand more than just a pretty design. They need a design that sells, that tracks, that delivers, that does the bookkeeping - what those crusty Americans often call 'The whole nine yards.'"

With that said, they turned in their list of phrases that need translating and disappeared into the keyboard. But the flowers remained, and they looked nice.

Phrases that need translating