Leprechaun Talk

When the Leprechauns gave me this news at out last gathering of the clan it wasn't that much of a surprise for me. In fact we had talked about it before but didn't see anything of significance on the horizon so held back forwarding this bit of distressing news until the tax situation became better defined.

According to Mr. Snearing it became well defined at the Senate Judiciary Committee hearing in March in the United States. Mr. Snearing says, "This is where Bill Gates had to bow down before the sleaziest of humanity and pay homage to the greediest thieves in the world - U.S. Senators."

Ms. Thunder, who I swear has gained another 10 grams, joined in. "You could just see the tax thoughts going through the Senator's minds when, sitting right in front of them, were three billionaires and a few millionaires thrown in for good measure. All of a sudden these pointy-headed men - and they were all men - who spend their lifetime finding things to tax suddenly realized they had stumbled upon a plethora of untaxed wealth."

Mr. Snearing jumped back in saying, "It's not only U.S. legislators - it's government officials in every country in the world. You see, O lover of French Pear Pie, the Internet has hit that point of no return where it is high profile, big money and common knowledge. It is a new form of what governments call 'revenue generators'. The term 'revenue generator' translates to taxes. The innocence of the Internet's early days is over. We have politicos from Austria to New Zealand paying close attention to the Internet in particular. When that happens, taxes follow just as certainly as smoke follows fire."

He continued, "In order for governments to establish the need for new taxes on the Internet they need to establish 'bad guys' whom the general public will not feel protective of. So once the U.S. Senate jumped on Bill Gates other nations, particularly European countries, jumped on him also. The ruse, or the red herring as it is known, centers on Microsoft's de facto monopoly power. But the real target is the Internet in particular. Politicians are making Microsoft and the Internet interchangeable in the public's mind. The idea is to make the general populace regard the Internet as something assiduous so that implementing taxes on it doesn't stir up the great unwashed."

I asked the simple question. Will they get by with it? Can we expect new taxes on the Internet either through ISPs or perhaps special taxes on modems or something like that?

Ms. Thunder didn't hesitate at all. "It will start this summer. Some country or perhaps a state or city will impose a special tax on the Internet. The uproar will be short but furious. The tax will stick and other nations, states and cities will quickly get onboard. Taxing the Internet will spread like tear gas at a riot. The great French philosopher Voltaire once commented that, 'In general, the art of government consists in taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other.' It's now the Internet's turn in the tax barrel."

Internet is broke and rich at same time

These companies will try very hard to thwart any taxation of any kind on the Internet. They will fail, but they realize that the Internet is still very young, still very fragile and still not out of the woods. Yet I agree with the rest of my friends - this will not make one iota of difference to the legislators and politicos who are looking for new tax revenue."

Mr. Leicitis also predicted that Internet users will quickly adjust their "concerns" about the Internet once the tax threats get underway. "Right now," he continued, "Internet users are most concerned about privacy, particularly credit card use and protection, and the ever-hovering pornography and violence on the Internet. This is according to a survey taken by Lycos, the search engine people. It says 86 percent of Internet users are 'extremely' or 'very' concerned about security of credit card numbers being transmitted via the Net. Once they hear about taxation of the Internet I predict that taxes will be their main concern instead of security."

Gates peddles Big Bertha golf club

I allowed, as how I did remember writing a fantasy column wherein Gates would pitch Coca-Cola. But I had no idea what the Leprechauns had in mind so I went into no more detail. Mr. Scathe followed up by saying, "Well, as usual you were only half right. You were trying to be facetious but Mr. Gates is being straightforward in his television endorsement of the Big Bertha golf club. And he is being paid. He got 5000 shares of Callaway Golf worth about $140,000 for doing the TV commercial."

Ms. Mocking, who is a perfect match for Mr. Scathe, joined in saying, "But it wasn't the money - of course. This gave Billy Boy the chance to show a large TV audience that he's just a regular guy. Consider it a non-geek commercial for Gates.

"Oh, and by the way," she continued, "You do realize that Billy Boy did do a Coca Cola commercial where he was portrayed as a frustrated man who ran out of change while buying a coke from a vending machine. It wasn't as non-geek as the Big Bertha commercial but it's easy to see that Billy Boy's public relations people are trying desperately to put a 'common man' face on Mr. Gates the billionaire."