Leprechaun Talk

I rarely get to poke fun at the Leprechauns so I made the best of this one, saying " 'Adios airlines?' Seems to me the airlines are doing well. And videoconferencing is still in the embryo." That's when the Leprechauns told me they were "consternated."

Ms. Thunder was the most agitated since she was one of the Leprechauns who urged me to short airlines, as though I played the stock market. Now Ms. Thunder, who incidentally is just one cookie away from not being able to squeeze through the air vents in the computer, was trying a little spin on their position.

"If I recall," she said, "we did not put an exact time on when business people would switch to videoconferences instead of face to face meetings half way around the globe." I told her this was correct, but also pointed out that the Leprechauns rarely put an exact time on their prognostications.

Ms. Thunder ignored that point and continued, "It's ridiculous for business people to put up with the airlines. The whole airline industry is composed of people who learned their manners from Genghis Khan. They have plundered travel agencies, independent sales people, small businesses and large businesses. Even the people who build the airplanes are arrogant and self satisfied. The president of Boeing said as much recently saying 'we've let down our many airplane customers.' At least he realizes it - whereas the airlines are still thinking they have no warts."

Fixing me with an evil stare Ms. Thunder made her final point. "Despite your having fun at our expense, the day will soon come when videoconferencing will shake up the airlines. Remember this - businessmen as a whole could save billions - that's with a 'B' - by embracing computers and the Internet or Intranet with teleconferencing and videoconferencing. Paying the airlines all that money is a sin. However, the day is soon at hand when a major shift will come and airlines will be begging for passengers. And we will be making fun of you, O lover of Spicy Apple Twists."

I nodded my head and changed the subject to other future trends. It was the urbane Mr. Cavalier who spoke up, saying, "IBM opened a lot of eyes this month when they introduced their small hard disk 'Microdrive' which is about the size of an American silver dollar. Although a small hard disk was bound to appear sometime, most people thought it would come either from Asia or from one of the traditional hard disk manufacturers. That it came from IBM caught everyone off guard."

Before I could open my mouth Mr. Hachit read my mind. "You don't need to ask what trend the new Microdrive points to - just be quiet, O lover of Almond Orange Cookies, and let us explain it."

Mr. Cavalier continued, "IBM has it all planned out. They will make the drive available first to the digital camera manufacturers giving the computer people time to figure out how to use this latest technology. Within a couple of years people will be able to carry all of their data with them anywhere they go. They can just dock a Microdrive into any laptop or desktop unit and it will be as though they were at their desk at work or at home. It will be just another layer in the mobility trend."

Mr. Hachit picked up the thread saying, "Ah, yes, the mobility trend. Cyber cafes, libraries, hotel rooms and lobbies will all have readily accessible computers that can accept a Microdrive. The possibilities for profit by catering to the future easy mobility of data are staggering. Perhaps some of your readers can figure a way to grow rich. But mobility is not the only trend."

I kept my mouth shut and my ears open and sure enough Ms. Splainit explained it. "The interesting trend we are seeing is the resurgence of other big names in the computer industry. IBM, for instance, had been rather quiet since losing their bitter battle with OS/2 against Windows. Now they have brought out two advances that are revolutionizing computers and software. They have the best voice-command application to make computers do what they are told and now they have a really brilliant invention - the Microdrive that you can carry in your pocket. But IBM is not alone in resurgence.

"Look at Apple Computer. We had all, including you O lover of Ambrosia Pie, written Apple off just a year ago. Today Apple's manufacturing plants are going 24 hours a day as they try to meet the demand for their new iMac. Merchants cannot keep them in stock. Moreover, Christmas is coming up. What this could mean is if Microsoft could figure out a way to delay their trial date long enough they could eventually point to Apple's market share and argue there's no way Windows could be considered a monopoly."

Mr. Hachit brought the conversation to an end by saying, "It's rather nice to be able to talk about someone else besides Bill Gates and his company. It's good to see IBM and Apple back in the fray. So one trend might be less coverage of Microsoft and more coverage of some other very good companies who are doing great things in the computer market."

I agree entirely, I told them.

"The Internet helps students get better grades."

An AT&T spokesperson explaining their own survey where 70% of respondents used that very phrase.

Translation: Here's how we can make parents who are not hooked to the Internet through AT&T feel guilty.

"The government's pursuit of Microsoft runs counter to the last 20 years of antitrust case law, reflects bureaucratic hubris, and represents a threat to innovation and consumer welfare."

Charles Rule, a senior Justice official in the Reagan administration whose firm is now employed by Microsoft to lobby on behalf of Bill Gates, speaking to the press.

Translation: The government's pursuit of Microsoft represents a threat to my income and the income of many other lobbyists loyal to Bill. I hope this sound bite helps us.

"I think a lot of people will use it for the novelty of it."

Seth Warshavsky, CEO of Seattle, Wash.-based Internet Entertainment Group that owns an Internet site where stock quotes share the same screen as pornography stars, commenting on who will watch his new stock and porn site (www.sexquotes.com).

Translation: I think lots and lots of brokers will come to the site every day making me tons of money.

"Investigator 1.0 is a complete Windows investigative tool tailored to the needs of administrators tracking down problem PC usage."

News Release from WinWhatWhere Corp. about their new software.

Translation: We can catch any employee anytime because Investigator 1.0 is really an invisible monitor and log for all keyboard and mouse activity, including typing in the context of the active window and applications like e-mail and web browsers, making it ideally suited for spying.

"If we don't like what it [the District Court] does, we will go to the Appeals Court. It could take as much as a year, but the key thing is not to get distracted."

Bill Gates talking to the Internet Conference in Lisbon, Portugal, about the Microsoft trial slated for late September.

Translation: There's no way we will lose this case. We will appeal, stall, do anything it takes but we are not going to lose this case. I have spoken.